I Don't Know

by Aubrey
(California)

I'm 16, I have a very busy school life with advanced classes and lots of practices and competitions. It could be stress, lack of sleep, depression, I don't know.

I've always been a quiet person, except around my really close friends, but now, i don't want to talk to them. I don't even want to be around them because I always feel left out. I fear talking to people I don't know and I always try to avoid others. I don't like being alone, yet I always want to be alone. A few friends say I'm just shy, others joke around that I'm antisocial. There are times when I'll get irritated and angry over little things and there are plenty of times when I'm feeling down and hopeless. I realize that I've begun to eat more than usual and I've considered cutting, but I fear what other people, my family especially, may think if i did. I want to take action and become more social but my fear holds me back and I feel weak. I'm insecure and although I know it's bad, I constantly compare myself to everyone which emphasize my weaknesses.

I've taken the quizzes on your site and my results say I may have clinical depression. I want to find out if indeed I have it or not, I'm scared to bring it up with my parents. I simply don't know what to do.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aubrey,

Thanks so much for reaching out. My heart goes out to you. If the tests indicate you might be depressed then you should really seek some help ASAP. Depression is something that can be successfully treated once diagnosed. So, don't delay. My primary concern is not that you are depressed but that you are thinking about cutting.

Cutting is a strategy people use to relieve themselves, even if just for the moment, of something that they are repressing. What are you burying deep inside of you that you need to release?

Isolation yourself, avoiding friends, etc. is another tell tale. It's almost as if you are hurting so bad that you don't want people to get close because they might find out what ails you...they might hurt you...they might reject you... they might not understand.

Also, I encourage you to tell your parents. Or at least one.... While you may not feel they will understand, or they might judge you.... they need to know what is going on with you. They may surprise you and be amazingly supportive!!! I know, as a mom myeself, it would make me so sad if my daughter didn't feel she could come to me for help, support and advice. If you can't talk to them, is there another adult that you can look to for some support? Another option is to call one of the many depression hotlines. Most offer 24/7 support by qualified people that can be there for you. Some are specific to teens.

I am not sure if this has helped you. I truly hope it has. You sound like a brilliant, amazing young woman. You have a wonderful future ahead of yourself. Don't give up on yourself, embrace how amazing you are and love yourself unconditionally!

Thanks again for reaching out. Please drop by again if need be! I will do what I can to help support you on this journey!

Dana