The Red Paint
I feel lonely,
but I wont tell anyone,
I feel sad,
I cover it with a fake smile.
my family thinks I'm going mad,
I think they are right.
since you died two years ago,
all I feel is pain.
everyday my red paint goes down my arm.
I wish it would continue forever.
my friend found out,
I told her I stopped.
her last friend to do this got her mad,
she told everyone.
my mind is filled with memories
I want to forget.
all I want is to be in heaven with you
but I could never just end my life.
I tell myself tomorrow will be better
what a lie.
maybe, one day I will stop
I like the pain to much.
maybe one day I will cut to deep.
not like anyone would care.
This is a very deep rooted poem and is so expressive of the severe pain you are feeling.
I am so sorry that you are in so much pain.
Cutting is a very serious thing and I pray that you can find the courage to reach out and get help so you can get better. While it provides temporary relief, it is just that....temporary. Cutting is a sign of so much deep seated pain and can be very hard to overcome without professional help and support.
Not sure if you have anyone to lean on now. If not, I encourage you to check out my depression hotlines page. There are some great resources here, including some support about cutting, that are available 24/7.
I am glad to hear that you don't want to die and hope that you find the strength and courage to reach out for help and support so you can overcome this. While we often grieve the loss of the lives others, we also forget to cherish our own lives. I hope that you can, one day, cherish yours as it is meant to be cherished.
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