Depression and Anxiety Symptoms:
Any reason to keep going
if I'm going nowhere?
I'm a 14 year old girl finishing my first year of high school. Ever since I was born I have been fighting psoriasis and exema at the same time. At first I only had it on the palms of my hands and feet. Now the worst has hit me hard, it has grown and moved its way up my back and covered my thighs, It is just begining between my breasts and stomach and just over my private area... and butt. It looks like a horrible red rash or like a bad 2nd or mild 3rd degree burn. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, I have tried hundreds of creams, pills, and met with doctors from around the world but nothing helps.
My doctor says to stop the continuing I cant have kids but who would marry me? If its growing so fast at 14 I'll be a monster before I graduate. I often walk with a limp when the skin hardens and cracks into soars and when it happens on my back just putting on pants, sitting down or bending over is painful.
THE huge issue right now though is, why go on if I have no future? Will I ever find love? Will I ever have kids? What will happen if it spreads too much? Which has brought me to this site because.. I don't know if I WANT to keep living...I just cant take the bullying, the boys I like thinking I'm gross or infectious. Please help, hurting inside and out.
Thanks so much for reaching out. I can really feel the sadness and frustration you are experiencing as a result of your skin condition. I know you have said that you have been to doctors all over the world. Don't give up. I've known people with both Psoriasis and Excema and they have treated it successfully. Albeit, they may be a less severe cases than yours. You mention "doctors", have you been to dermatologists? You probably have but I have to ask.
I can completely empathize with you about boys thinking you are gross, infectious and being bullied because of
your condition. While my situtation was not the same, I had a lot of freckles growing up. I can't tell you how horrible I felt when people made fun of me. They used to say I had the "cooties!". It really hurt my feelings. People can be so cruel and heartless, especially teenagers.
Remember, your looks don't define who you are. Nor should the people around you. Don't give them the power to decide whether you are lovable or not. Don't give them the power to decide whether you are a worthy person. You and only you can decide that.
My suspicion is that you are an am amazing young woman with a huge heart that people don't see or experience. Know that no challenge will be given to you that you can not overcome.
In the near term, surround yourself with people that are supportive, loving, sympathetic and understanding. And, don't give power to those that are not. There are many support groups, both on-line and off, that are available to you. This is where you can find support and answers from those who have similar experiences. I just searched "psoriasis + support groups" and there are many great options!
Also, there is a good book out there called Psoriasis: Healing from the Inside Out
by Heather Ferris. It focuses on how to manage your feelings, how to love yourself inspite of your condition. She suffered as well. Would be a great book to consider.
Also, if you are feeling very depressed then please seek help with a mental health professional or call a depression hotline
so you can feel supported. There is a suicide hotline on that same page. Reach out and get the support you need.
Longer term, remember they are constanly looking for better ways to treat these conditions. You won't grow up looking like a monster. One day, you will be as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.
Don't give up on yourself. Embrace yourself and all the amazing qualities that you have. Focus on the positive. As they say, this too shall pass.
All the best and thanks for reaching out.