Help for my boyfriend

by Elaine
(Texas)

I think my boyfriend is depressed. He is always tired and sleeping and he doesnt want to do anything anymore like he used to. He just works and sleeps, works and sleeps. He said he loves me and cares about me, but "just doesnt care". He says he doesnt care about anything but just sleeping and being left alone.


When I go and check on him, he looks like he just woke up or got out of bed. I am worried about him. He says he just wants to be left alone. He says he doesn't care if I ever call him or see him again - but he loves me and cares about me and misses me. But again, says--he wants to just be left alone.

I feel helpless. Should I call him weekly and check on him, or should I leave him alone completely. He refuses to go to counseling or see a dr. He has no friends and his family is not close with him or live near him. I am basically the only support he has ever had. But yet, I am confused as to what to do. Leave him alone, or keep trying. It hurts either way for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elaine,

I am so sorry that you are going through this and that your boyfriend is going through such a hard time as well.

It does sound like he is really depressed. However, it is important for you to understand that he has to find it in himself to want to push through this - to deal with whatever it is that is ailing him and push through it so he can begin to live a happy, high functioning life again.

As women, we tend to want to do it for them. To rescue them. Unfortunately, it isn't possible. He has to want to change his life. If he really wants to be left alone then I would consider backing off for now. Let him know you care about him and that you are there to support him if/when he needs it.

It's important that you take care of yourself in all of this. There is a book called "Codependent No More" that you might consider getting. I think it would be a good book to read so you can gain a different perspective. Learn about codependency and how you can be supportive while being independent vs. dependent. I can't recall the author off the top of my head but it's a very informative book.

When you talk to him to let him know you are there to support him you might want to give him a phone number to a depression hotline. Maybe having it handy will encourage him to find the support and help that he needs. There is a whole list so search through it and find the one that makes the most sense based on his situation.

Finally, if he does seem suicidal, you might consider telling someone in his life that might be able to support him as well.

I hope this is helpful. Thanks for reaching out and I am wishing you the best as you deal with this challenge.

In light and love,

Dana

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