My friend is suffering from depression and i want to help

by Dontae
(Kalispell, Montana, United States Of America)

There is this girl I met in pathways which is a mental health facility and me and her well we shared everything together. She was mainly there for depression which I assume is the cause of the other reason she had been feeling suicidal for a long time.


Her mom walked in to find her laying in vomit on the ground drunk and overdosed on Soma's which are a sleeping pill and from what I've read its not hard to overdose on them. Just 3 can cause you to OD but she told me she took 7 in an attempt to end her life.

She was then taken to her doctor by her mom who was in panic and not sure what to do so her doctor called pathways and she was then admitted i was admitted on that same day just at 1:15A.M. She came around 4:30A.M.

We talked and there were other kids there too. There was Arica and I, then five others but we didn't talk to any other patients except each other. Except in one of the groups they did but she told me everything and I told her everything too.

She had been depressed for a long time but like most put on a smile when others were around she has done many illegal drugs from smoking weed to ecstasy pretty much everything except heroine meth and cocaine and other really hard core drugs. But then when she got out (two days before I did) she went straight back to school turns out we were friends and following one another on many social networking sights.

So as I'm sure you can tell I kind of liked Arica and so when I got out I got on the computer and looked her up on facebook then I saw some of her posts which I am going to copy paste to you next.

"When people call you and tell you to shoot yourself, and they have not even a clue of what you've been through in the past week."

"Sick of this pain. I cant do it anymore."

"I'm so sick of being put last to the people i put first!!"

Home alone,

"You break down. Letting out everything,Crying as loud as you can. Your family comes home. And here you go, Fake smile, Fake laugh. Pretend everything is ok. They don't suspect a thing. They don't suspect their child is broken & falling
apart."

"Sick of these headaches already."
"Tell me how it ends?

What about me? Where is my happy ending?
What about me? Is this a life worth living?
You know how it begins, but how does it end for me?

Will I ever win, or does he have it in for me?
Will this stop before I stop breathing?
Is their light, in this dark I'm seein?"

"It'll get worse before it gets better ... But, i have hope that it'll get better, sooner than later."

"Words hurt so f*%$@g bad." and the picture is her and the caption is what she said on the picture.

Please tell me what I can do as a friend and now i'm her boyfriend actually. So i need to know what you think is the best for her and i and how i can help her achieve a more positive and happier lifestyle.

P.S. all of the facebook stuff is from now to September 24th 2013 to now the last two are from today and know she didn't come to school today she wont txt or message on facebook or answer my phone calls so I called her house phone and her mom said she has been up in her room all day and wont come out and asked me to see if i could come talk to her.

So i drove over and went up to her room and knocked on the door and she yelled GO AWAY!!! and i assumed she figured it was her mom again so i told her it was me and that i loved her (for the first time in our relationship) and she said i love you too but i just want to be alone call me in the morning.

So i told her i wasn't going to leave until she opened the door and talked to me and after a while she opened the door and all the pictures of us and friends of ours were ripped up all over the floor her tv was on the ground and she had clothes everywhere and well if you knew her you would be worried because she is OCD when it comes to her room.

Without saying a word she turned around went to her bed and started crying into her pillow so i picked up her room a little while i tried to let her get it out so she could/would talk to me and she just didn't stop so i went to her bed and began to talk to her asking what was wrong and how i could help and stuff.

She just kept saying nothing was wrong and there was nothing she needed help with, so i reminded her i know how she is feeling and how hard it is to talk about it and told her how worried/concerned kids at school were about her because of some of the things she had been putting on facebook.

I told her that there were way more people in her life that love care and think about her all the time and that i hadn't stopped thinking about her since the first day we meet in pathways and she still wouldn't talk and it was getting late. It was around 10:30P.M. so i told her to call me when she was ready to talk about anything and that everyone is going to be waiting to see her at school tomorrow and well, frankly i went home and began to work on this and I'm really worried about her and want to help her so please help me help her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dontae,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I can tell you really care about her very much. I can feel your pain as you search for ways to help her.

When you were at her house, it sounds like you were so supportive and understanding. You were present, ready and willing to listen if she was willing to talk. You let her know you'd be by her side to support her when she was ready. That is all great stuff.

The best thing you did, however, is not push her. She already feels like no one loves her or understands her. So, it is even more important to meet her where she is and don't push her to go beyond where she is comfortable. This would just prove her point ... I don't want to talk but your trying to force me to so you must not love me either. Make sense?

The best thing for you to do is to continue to be there for her. Let her know you are there. Let her know what she means to you. Get personal about it. Not just "I love you" but tell her all of the great qualities she has that really draw you to her. Help her see how special she is and why.

Other things you can do .. give her something that she can keep with her .. a token to remind her you are there for her. So when you aren't there physically, you can be there spiritually. Perhaps a stone that could represent getting her grounded and that you are her rock. Or a crystal that can bring in light and positive energy.

Part of her healing process could be journaling. It is a great way for her to express her feelings ... get in out on paper so she can process them in a more tangible way. Perhaps get her a notebook she can use as a journal with her favorite colors on the cover and an entry from you on the inside cover .. or first page that she can use for support.

Perhaps encourage her friends to reach out and post words of encouragement on her FB page and other sites. How can they show they care?

It's these "little" things you can do that could ease her pain. It will show her that she is supported in some ways. However, make sure she doesn't feel pushed or smothered. Be kind, respectful and gentle in giving her support and letting her know that she is loved.

Also, it's important to do all of this without judgement. Do this with the utmost respect - respect her for all that she is right now - all that she is IN the here and now! Accept and respect her for the good, bad and the ugly. Unconditional support is what she needs right now.

The most important ingredient for her to begin the healing process is for her to find the courage, strength and desire within herself to get better. She will only heal if she finds it in her own heart to heal.

With all of this said, I have a few words of caution. Is she being abused in anyway? Is she cutting? Is truly suicidal?

If she posts anything (of gives any indication) about harming herself, or others, the parents should be made aware of this so they can get a professional to step in and prevent this from happening.

In fact, you might want to talk to her parents as an act of love. Especially if you think they are unaware of how bad this is. They really should be fully informed so that they can make decisions that would be best for her.

Final thought ... for both of you ... consider any number of depression and other hotlines. Depending on your ages and situations there are a lot of support lines to choose from. You can call anonymously, talk to a professional and get some support that you need. You should give her a few numbers she can reach out to.

Dontae, I do hope this helped! I can feel how painful this is for you. It is always tough loving someone that you want to help so badly yet a lot of it is out of your control. Take care of yourself in all of this so you can continue to heal and get stronger!! Don't lose sight of yourself as you are trying to help her!

In light and love,

Dana

P.S. I have deleted her pictures. I am glad to have seen them personally, but didn't feel right posting them on my public website. I hope you understand. Her captions should give you a ray of hope, too!


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