Depressed, am I?

by Nandu
(India)

Hi,


I have finally gathered the courage to share my issues with someone. I'm in my early 20s and used to be a very happy person till my undergrads. I am doing my masters now and I'm in the final year.

The main issue with me is that if I'm involved in doing something, I can only think or talk about that. Last year, I was preparing for a major competition and during those three months of preparation, I gave my boy friend a hard time by not talking to him about anything but about the competition, my anxieties, complaints about the team members etc. He managed it well.

After that the job recruitment started and due to a few genuine reasons, I did not appear for any initial interviews and many of my college mates got placed by that time. I thought I would be placed by now (because I do have a strong CV), but no recruiters came after that and I have been in a dilemma for 8 months. I have been thinking only about the job and if I will be having a job in 3 months (I will be passing out by May).

This anxiety etc has grown to the extend that I cry for small things, I don't feel like eating and my boy friend says he is fed up of my whining, crying and hates talking to me now. He doesn't listen to me anymore because I tend to call him every few hours. Every time I hear something good or something that makes me happy, I call him to share it and when he doesn't respond to it or says he did not listen to it because he is bored (a minute after I start talking) etc, I start crying again. I hate this behaviour of mine and I'm not able to control my tears.


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Nandu,

Thanks for reaching out to me and I am truly sorry you are going through such a hard time right now.

Based soley on the information provided, it does sound like you are feeling a lot of emotions ... depression may certianly be one of them. Other emotions may be prevalent as well such as fear, self doubt, anger ...

You are at a pivotal time in your life ... a time when you are undergoing a huge transition. Have you ever had these issues before? The reason I ask is that this could be a true clinical depression but it can also be what we refer to as "sitational depression".

Whether it is depression or not, it does sound like you could really use some unconditional support. Do you have people in your life that you can reach out to? There are also hotlines if you want to talk to someone anonymously. And, of course, a qualified therapist.

Have you taken a depression test? You might want to consider this as a starting point ... another data point that will help you determine your next course of action.

I wish you all the best and hope that you get through this swiftly.

Dana


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Hi
by: Nandu

Thanks a lot for your reply.

No, I never had to go through this mental state before. I used to be happy most the time before. This started since last August and got worse since November.

My family doesn't know as I stay away from home and do not want them to be worried. I do not want sympathy of other people, so I haven't opened up. I open up only with my boy friend and he is now getting fed up of me :(

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Thanks for touching base. Sounds like you have a lot of pride, Nandu. I caution you not to let that get in the way of asking for, and receiving, the love and support you need through this trying time.

Truthfully, I used to be the same way. I developed a defense where I felt I had to prove to everyone that I was strong and tough and, as a result, I didn't need anyone. Afterall, I was a positive, fun loving person that "had it all together". At least that's what I wanted everyone to think.

The reality is I set myself up for hard times. I struggled with my own ups and downs and no one would be there for me. The reality of it was that they didn't have a clue I needed them to be. Once I dropped my "tough, independent girl" act and allowed myself to be real ... to be vulnerable with people I was pleasantly surprised how many people were there for me. And, how many could relate to what I was feelind offer support and some pretty good advice!

I encourage you to let go of your pride and find the strength and courage to be vulnerable ... even if you have to start with a depression hotline! This could be a win-win ... you get support AND you get practice before you reach out to some family and friends. Then, when you're ready ... pick one or two people you can reach out to and give it a go!

Hopefully, you too, will be surprised at the love and support you'll receive. Which, by the way, there is a huge difference between sympathy and support! Don't confuse sympathy with someone showing true compassion!

And, of course, don't overlook local professional help as well. Nothing wrong with that. Even as a therapist, I still go to one when I need it. I always joke that I'll be in therapy for the rest of my life! Its a great way to get objective, non-judging support and a different perspective. A great way to truly get to know yourself and become the best YOU that YOU can be!

Stop by anytime, Nandu! Let the healing journey begin!

Sending you light and love,

Dana

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